I have always believed in the power of dreams, that the subconscious speaks to us through the movies and images it creates as we sleep. Last night I dreamt of a mountain. From a distance it looked like a normal mountain but as I got closer to it (or it to me) I saw that it was entirely man-made. It was made of solid smooth concrete and looked even more impossible to climb than a natural mountain.
I was about to turn away but some movement at the top caught my eye. I was looking through a camera lens and as it zoomed in I saw people freely moving about on the very top of the impossible mountain. They were coming and going through archways and corridors hewn out of the concrete.
The camera lens adjusted and moved to the side of the mountain where I saw that instead of the smooth walls I thought I had seen, there were in fact hundereds of steps cut into the concrete. They were all neat, perfect and equal and went all the way to the secret archways and passages at the top.
I woke up amazed and so inspired. What an incredible dream. I won't give a dream analysis but I think you can figure out what the mountain could represent. What I took from the dream was that just because something may look impossible or that there is no obvious path to take, if I look harder and take time to figure it out, a way will appear.
It got me thinking, what if?
Throughout the day when I was thinking of my career and my future, I thought of the mountain and wondered if there are ways forward that I don't yet see. At the Consciously Female evening on Monday night, it was all about taking responsibility for our lives. We looked at disappointments and high points over the past few years. As I did the exercise and identified the part I had played in the good and bad times in my life, I felt empowered. Rather than feel upset about our disappointments, Dawn encouraged us to see that we did the best we could have done at those times and that the strengths and qualities that lead to our achievements were qualities we all still have. If I was brave and confident and made things happen before, I can do it again.
With all of this in mind I'm off to enjoy some more dream time...........
Consciously Female Website
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Spring flowers
Wednesday, 29 September 2010
Sunday, 26 September 2010
Welcome Back Sunshine!
I had the worst PMT all last week and Dawn explained that the full moon didn't help either as it has such a strong pull on our emotions. I don't know much about the cycles of the moon affecting us but it makes sense that something else was working against me last week. It certainly felt like some celestial energy was at work.
As I have finally mastered downloading CD's on to my MP3 Player (Don't laugh, it's tricky at first...) I listened to Dawn's lovely voice going through the uplifting affirmations as I did the chores. Insted of being annoyed at mess, dishes, and the mundane aspects of human life, I had my mind on higher thoughts and it was a welcome change.
As I've said before, different affirmations seem highlighted for me on different days and yesterday and today it's been the affirmation that says "The Past is in the Past."
It's true the past is in the past, and it doesn't have to mean the distant past. Last week is in the past, five minutes ago is in the past. So, the good news is that although last week was truly horrible, it's gone and all I can do is let it go. It feels so good to fully realise that last week is gone and the only time is exists is when I think of it or dwell on what was so terrible about it.
I have the choice and as a reasonably intelligent woman, I choose to look forward and to the positive things in the week ahead.
One of my affirmation cards this morning said: I Can Change My Life By Changing My Thoughts.
How apt...
Consciously Female Website
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Wednesday, 22 September 2010
Where did my Happy go?
Well, where did it go?
Seriously, I have had the two best weeks and then today I woke up on a real downer and it's stuck with me. I've been thinking about writing this blog all day and am finally getting down to it at 7pm. Better late than never I suppose.
As I write, my boyfriend is watching some screaming rock DVD and talking over the top of it. I'm fighting the urge to throw something (at him and the tv). Everything he has said and done has annoyed me today. It's not his fault - things I normally find endearing and funny irritate the hell out of me. I know in my head why this is - I'm on day 25 of my cycle and have PMT. I just wish I could switch off the irritation and not take it out on my lovely boyfriend.
Although I know why I feel like this, it doesn't seem to make it any easier to feel better. I did only essential stuff today and spent the afternoon curled up on the couch in my cosy blanket with a pot of Earl Grey tea and watched Sex and the City. The very first episode is hilarious, it's so awful that you just have to laugh. The way Carrie turns and talks to the camera cracks me up and the unnatural breaks in conversation are quite jarring. By the time I got to episode 3 I was feeling marginally better, which I view as a success given the terrible stormy mood I woke up in. I looked through my new Law of Attraction book to check my emotional rating - I've gone from being between joy and contentment to way down to pessimism and anger. A massive drop of 9 places!
I think it goes to show that I am in the early stages of this new way of life and I will benefit from doing this stuff every day. Also, until today I hadn't listened to Dawn's CD since Sunday, as Monday and Tuesday were manically busy days and I hardly had time to stop. My lovely morning routine was thrown and the effects of that are clear.
At the CF club on Monday night so many women said that it was listening to the CD every day that has made the real difference. I heard some amazing testimonies! One lady had a whole set of incredible coincidences that had occurred that week and she looked fabulous. She looked like she was in a good place emotionally and spiritually and it was inspiring to see.
On Monday night Dawn led us through some work exploring how we feel about ourselves, deep down. It felt good taking negative statements and looking at them and realising how hard I am on myself. I circled almost every negative characteristic in the column but then really enjoyed scoring them out or writing positive statements next to them. We had all brought photos of times when we felt we looked good, or from a happy period in our lives and that was really fun! I was really enjoying myself until we got to the last exercise - using The Mirror.
Oh, how to explain the horror of it. It doesn't sound too bad, all we had to do was look at ourselves really and say a few things about what we saw. I only look in the mirror to do my hair and make-up and then I actively avoid mirrors. If I could get ready without looking in the mirror, I would.
So, imagine my relief when that was over. It was shortlived however as Dawn cheerfully announced we would be doing more mirror exercises next week. I felt sick. It's a clear indicator that I have work to do in this area and the whole point of doing all this is to move beyond my fears and grow into a confident woman. I know it will be difficult but well worth it in the end. I would love to look in the mirror and feel ok about me. No, actually I want to look in the mirror and feel great about me...
Consciously Female Website
My Website
Seriously, I have had the two best weeks and then today I woke up on a real downer and it's stuck with me. I've been thinking about writing this blog all day and am finally getting down to it at 7pm. Better late than never I suppose.
As I write, my boyfriend is watching some screaming rock DVD and talking over the top of it. I'm fighting the urge to throw something (at him and the tv). Everything he has said and done has annoyed me today. It's not his fault - things I normally find endearing and funny irritate the hell out of me. I know in my head why this is - I'm on day 25 of my cycle and have PMT. I just wish I could switch off the irritation and not take it out on my lovely boyfriend.
Although I know why I feel like this, it doesn't seem to make it any easier to feel better. I did only essential stuff today and spent the afternoon curled up on the couch in my cosy blanket with a pot of Earl Grey tea and watched Sex and the City. The very first episode is hilarious, it's so awful that you just have to laugh. The way Carrie turns and talks to the camera cracks me up and the unnatural breaks in conversation are quite jarring. By the time I got to episode 3 I was feeling marginally better, which I view as a success given the terrible stormy mood I woke up in. I looked through my new Law of Attraction book to check my emotional rating - I've gone from being between joy and contentment to way down to pessimism and anger. A massive drop of 9 places!
I think it goes to show that I am in the early stages of this new way of life and I will benefit from doing this stuff every day. Also, until today I hadn't listened to Dawn's CD since Sunday, as Monday and Tuesday were manically busy days and I hardly had time to stop. My lovely morning routine was thrown and the effects of that are clear.
At the CF club on Monday night so many women said that it was listening to the CD every day that has made the real difference. I heard some amazing testimonies! One lady had a whole set of incredible coincidences that had occurred that week and she looked fabulous. She looked like she was in a good place emotionally and spiritually and it was inspiring to see.
On Monday night Dawn led us through some work exploring how we feel about ourselves, deep down. It felt good taking negative statements and looking at them and realising how hard I am on myself. I circled almost every negative characteristic in the column but then really enjoyed scoring them out or writing positive statements next to them. We had all brought photos of times when we felt we looked good, or from a happy period in our lives and that was really fun! I was really enjoying myself until we got to the last exercise - using The Mirror.
Oh, how to explain the horror of it. It doesn't sound too bad, all we had to do was look at ourselves really and say a few things about what we saw. I only look in the mirror to do my hair and make-up and then I actively avoid mirrors. If I could get ready without looking in the mirror, I would.
So, imagine my relief when that was over. It was shortlived however as Dawn cheerfully announced we would be doing more mirror exercises next week. I felt sick. It's a clear indicator that I have work to do in this area and the whole point of doing all this is to move beyond my fears and grow into a confident woman. I know it will be difficult but well worth it in the end. I would love to look in the mirror and feel ok about me. No, actually I want to look in the mirror and feel great about me...
Consciously Female Website
My Website
Sunday, 19 September 2010
Autumn, Affirmations and The Law of Attraction...
It's a whole week now since I turned 33 and so far so good.
Along with good wine, good company and lots of presents I treated myself with some birthday money to a pack of Affirmation Cards. They're shiny and colourful and I love just holding them and looking at them! I choose three cards every morning and leave them displayed out on my little candle table so I can look at them through the day and be reminded of their positive messages.
I got a card this morning which I also picked out yesterday, it's the one with the big picture of a flower on it and it says "To the Degree I Am Happy, I Am Successful"
The fact that I chose this card twice is quite telling as since I've gone self-employed I've been pre-occupied with success, but success measured by finances and popularity. The message on this card urges me to evaluate success not by the amount of money in my bank account but by the amount of joy I have. When I have real joy in what I am doing creatively, everything else will fall easily into place.
So, in terms of writing I am now focussing on what I enjoy writing, and what is on my heart to write, rather than what I think is commercially viable or trendy.
As a result, my writer's block has gone - it's not just been lifted but it's been dissolved! I was woken up at 3:48 this morning with a bolt of pure inspiration! I filled three A4 pages with creative ideas for my next book.
I believe that by going through the Consciously Female workshop my creativity has opened up, leading me to buy the book on The Law of Attraction and the Affirmation cards. My subconscious is responding to what I am pouring into it - from Dawn's CD, from the visualisations and soul work done on Monday nights and from the new pattern of bright positive thoughts that I'm consciously creating in my mind as a result. I'm also re-reading Dawn's book 'Superconfidence' which builds on the work Dawn does with us in the workshops.
I have a new ritual for doing my CF stuff every day, I listen to Dawn's CD while having my morning coffee and checking my emails, and then while the CD continues to play I write in my journal. Every few days, I write down all the things in my life that I am thankful for; my boyfriend, the view from my flat, the trees changing colour just outside my window and anything really that I feel grateful for having in my life. It's known as having 'An Attitude of Gratitude' - it makes me feel good as well as reminding me of all the good things I have especially when I feel like I'm far from where I want to be. What's the point of 'getting there' or achieving success if I don't have the capacity to enjoy it and appreciate it when it comes?
Along with good wine, good company and lots of presents I treated myself with some birthday money to a pack of Affirmation Cards. They're shiny and colourful and I love just holding them and looking at them! I choose three cards every morning and leave them displayed out on my little candle table so I can look at them through the day and be reminded of their positive messages.
I got a card this morning which I also picked out yesterday, it's the one with the big picture of a flower on it and it says "To the Degree I Am Happy, I Am Successful"
The fact that I chose this card twice is quite telling as since I've gone self-employed I've been pre-occupied with success, but success measured by finances and popularity. The message on this card urges me to evaluate success not by the amount of money in my bank account but by the amount of joy I have. When I have real joy in what I am doing creatively, everything else will fall easily into place.
So, in terms of writing I am now focussing on what I enjoy writing, and what is on my heart to write, rather than what I think is commercially viable or trendy.
As a result, my writer's block has gone - it's not just been lifted but it's been dissolved! I was woken up at 3:48 this morning with a bolt of pure inspiration! I filled three A4 pages with creative ideas for my next book.
I believe that by going through the Consciously Female workshop my creativity has opened up, leading me to buy the book on The Law of Attraction and the Affirmation cards. My subconscious is responding to what I am pouring into it - from Dawn's CD, from the visualisations and soul work done on Monday nights and from the new pattern of bright positive thoughts that I'm consciously creating in my mind as a result. I'm also re-reading Dawn's book 'Superconfidence' which builds on the work Dawn does with us in the workshops.
I have a new ritual for doing my CF stuff every day, I listen to Dawn's CD while having my morning coffee and checking my emails, and then while the CD continues to play I write in my journal. Every few days, I write down all the things in my life that I am thankful for; my boyfriend, the view from my flat, the trees changing colour just outside my window and anything really that I feel grateful for having in my life. It's known as having 'An Attitude of Gratitude' - it makes me feel good as well as reminding me of all the good things I have especially when I feel like I'm far from where I want to be. What's the point of 'getting there' or achieving success if I don't have the capacity to enjoy it and appreciate it when it comes?
Tuesday, 14 September 2010
Birthday blessings, not blues...
I'll start by saying I haven't blogged much over the weekend as I was too busy having a wonderful
birthday!
I made up my mind to really enjoy this birthday. It wasn't a special birthday as such, but as
part of the CF process I'm learning to appreciate and celebrate my life as it happens now. It began on
Friday with a joint celebration lunch with my auntie and an afternoon of girly shopping.
Saturday morning I had breakfast in bed, my gorgeous boyfriend made a special dinner for me that evening and I was given more presents. My favourite gift from Himself is Tolstoy's War & Peace! (It's been on my reading wish list since reading Anna Karenina years ago.)
Sunday was spent meandering along the Royal Mile looking in all the odd little shops (yes, including
the Christmas Shop) and was rounded off by going out for dinner.
There were no big or dramatic celebrations involved but I'll remember this birthday as being special and framed in colour because for once I wasn't worried about getting older, or any of the usual birthday blues, I just simply enjoyed it!
Last night felt like part of the celebration as I went to the second meeting of Consciously Female at
The Bonham Hotel. My friend Sharon was back from a week in France and I was excited that she
was coming along to share the experience. I'd had a good week and couldn't wait to find out how
the others weeks had been. The tone was a bit more serious from the start and once we were all
settled and had updated each other about our progress, we were asked to take out the childhood
photos we had brought.
I hadn't been looking forward to this exercise as I felt sure I'd get emotional and didn't relish that
prospect in a room full of people I barely knew. I was pleasantly surprised however, as I connected easily with the little me in the photo and found I liked the wee girl I had been. I described her as cheeky, playful and clever and I remembered the amazing capacity for fun I had had.
When we were asked what we would want for this wee girl if we were her parent, I got slightly
tearful - not because of what had been lacking in my childhood, but because my desire to have
children became intense in that moment. The room was emotionally charged during that activity but it was safe as we had the support of Dawn and of each other. It was a very moving evening and I feel sure some personal breakthroughs were made.
Consciously Female Website
My website
birthday!
 |
| That's my cheeky little self standing in front |
part of the CF process I'm learning to appreciate and celebrate my life as it happens now. It began on
Friday with a joint celebration lunch with my auntie and an afternoon of girly shopping.
Saturday morning I had breakfast in bed, my gorgeous boyfriend made a special dinner for me that evening and I was given more presents. My favourite gift from Himself is Tolstoy's War & Peace! (It's been on my reading wish list since reading Anna Karenina years ago.)
Sunday was spent meandering along the Royal Mile looking in all the odd little shops (yes, including
the Christmas Shop) and was rounded off by going out for dinner.
There were no big or dramatic celebrations involved but I'll remember this birthday as being special and framed in colour because for once I wasn't worried about getting older, or any of the usual birthday blues, I just simply enjoyed it!
Last night felt like part of the celebration as I went to the second meeting of Consciously Female at
The Bonham Hotel. My friend Sharon was back from a week in France and I was excited that she
was coming along to share the experience. I'd had a good week and couldn't wait to find out how
the others weeks had been. The tone was a bit more serious from the start and once we were all
settled and had updated each other about our progress, we were asked to take out the childhood
photos we had brought.
I hadn't been looking forward to this exercise as I felt sure I'd get emotional and didn't relish that
prospect in a room full of people I barely knew. I was pleasantly surprised however, as I connected easily with the little me in the photo and found I liked the wee girl I had been. I described her as cheeky, playful and clever and I remembered the amazing capacity for fun I had had.
When we were asked what we would want for this wee girl if we were her parent, I got slightly
tearful - not because of what had been lacking in my childhood, but because my desire to have
children became intense in that moment. The room was emotionally charged during that activity but it was safe as we had the support of Dawn and of each other. It was a very moving evening and I feel sure some personal breakthroughs were made.
Consciously Female Website
My website
Saturday, 11 September 2010
Day 5 of the Consciously Female way of life!
Well, it's day five of living Dawn Breslin's Consciously Female lifestyle!
That first session on Monday night set my thinking in a new direction :) The affirmation CD Dawn gave us is actually very effective. At first I had to force myself to sit down and relax for the half-hour or so the CD runs for. I'm not used to sitting still without doing something. It's a bit like trying meditation for the first time - you have to train your monkey mind to behave!
I've gone from having no time to sit and focus and relax to having an hour a day (I listen to the CD twice a day as recommended). I'm used to running on nervous energy but since taking this time for myself every day just to treat my mind, my anxiety levels are greatly reduced.
Throughout the day I'm reminded of the affirmations - and I think what's happening is that my thinking is being remoulded to a softer, more positive pattern. I was worried too that listening to the same affirmations every day would get boring and cease to be effective, but I find something new every day that I hadn't noticed before, or that is really relevant for me on that particular day.
On Wednesday the affirmation about being gentle, kind and patient with yourself and with others reminded me of Galatians 5:22-23, 'The Fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.'
Now I know all about developing these qualities and being kind and patient with others, but what an amazing idea to treat yourself this way first! As I become kinder to myself it's so much easier to be kinder to those around me. It's as if by loving myself I create more love to extend readily to those around me, and that can only be a good thing!
Consciously Female website
Lady Moon website
Email me
That first session on Monday night set my thinking in a new direction :) The affirmation CD Dawn gave us is actually very effective. At first I had to force myself to sit down and relax for the half-hour or so the CD runs for. I'm not used to sitting still without doing something. It's a bit like trying meditation for the first time - you have to train your monkey mind to behave!
I've gone from having no time to sit and focus and relax to having an hour a day (I listen to the CD twice a day as recommended). I'm used to running on nervous energy but since taking this time for myself every day just to treat my mind, my anxiety levels are greatly reduced.
Throughout the day I'm reminded of the affirmations - and I think what's happening is that my thinking is being remoulded to a softer, more positive pattern. I was worried too that listening to the same affirmations every day would get boring and cease to be effective, but I find something new every day that I hadn't noticed before, or that is really relevant for me on that particular day.
On Wednesday the affirmation about being gentle, kind and patient with yourself and with others reminded me of Galatians 5:22-23, 'The Fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.'
Now I know all about developing these qualities and being kind and patient with others, but what an amazing idea to treat yourself this way first! As I become kinder to myself it's so much easier to be kinder to those around me. It's as if by loving myself I create more love to extend readily to those around me, and that can only be a good thing!
Consciously Female website
Lady Moon website
Email me
Tuesday, 7 September 2010
It Begins
I went along to the first meeting of the Consciously Female Silver Club last night. I was more nervous than I thought I would be and chided myself the whole way there - just get on with it, you're a big girl and you'll be fine, stop being a wuss, nobody is going to notice you anyway. I chanted these mantras in my head as I walked through the west end to the hotel.
I met the girls in the room Dawn had held the taster session in last week and the familiar surroundings helped. Everyone was sitting in a circle chatting so I pulled up a chair and joined in. As I rummaged through my bag looking for my glasses so I could read everyone's name tags, I came across the little card Dawn had given out at the taster session. On the back it said: 'My three wishes are....' and I had put a 'lifelong successful career' at the top, then to 'have a happy family' and finally to 'live every moment.' Anyone who knows me and the shape of my life at the moment would agree, those are pretty big asks. The self-assurance I had written those wishes with was gone - in the space of a week. I doubted that I could have any sort of career, never mind a 'lifelong successful one.'
Dawn started us off and we were asked to describe the kind of animal, insect or bird we felt we were most like at the moment and the animal, insect or bird we would like to be. Elephant came straight into my mind followed immediately by the picture of a butterfly. We were then told to stand up and mingle and tell someone our answers. I explained to a girl with long dark hair that I felt like an elephant because I felt slow, lumbering, weighed down and also fatter than I'd like to be.
I'd much prefer to be a butterfly, a light, colourful, free spirit going from one new thing to the next without fear. It's funny, but since sharing that, I see butterflies everywhere I look. The next girl I spoke to had colourful butterflies on her shirt. Just sharing something so simple with each other was a great ice-breaker and the room seemed to breathe more easily afterwards. We had several other opportunities to interact as the evening went on and it was a positive, encouraging experience. We have that bond of women together, all there for a common goal.
We were each given a workbook, a cd of affirmations and a beautiful soft covered journal to write our thoughts in as we progress through the programme. Being a writer I was most excited about my new journal and have christened it already!
Tomorrow I am going to begin a daily routine of listening to Dawn's cd (twice a day as recommended) and recording my thoughts. We also have a mood monitor chart in our workbooks. As I am by nature a moody type, I'm interested to see how that will look by the end of the week :)
I met the girls in the room Dawn had held the taster session in last week and the familiar surroundings helped. Everyone was sitting in a circle chatting so I pulled up a chair and joined in. As I rummaged through my bag looking for my glasses so I could read everyone's name tags, I came across the little card Dawn had given out at the taster session. On the back it said: 'My three wishes are....' and I had put a 'lifelong successful career' at the top, then to 'have a happy family' and finally to 'live every moment.' Anyone who knows me and the shape of my life at the moment would agree, those are pretty big asks. The self-assurance I had written those wishes with was gone - in the space of a week. I doubted that I could have any sort of career, never mind a 'lifelong successful one.'
Dawn started us off and we were asked to describe the kind of animal, insect or bird we felt we were most like at the moment and the animal, insect or bird we would like to be. Elephant came straight into my mind followed immediately by the picture of a butterfly. We were then told to stand up and mingle and tell someone our answers. I explained to a girl with long dark hair that I felt like an elephant because I felt slow, lumbering, weighed down and also fatter than I'd like to be.
I'd much prefer to be a butterfly, a light, colourful, free spirit going from one new thing to the next without fear. It's funny, but since sharing that, I see butterflies everywhere I look. The next girl I spoke to had colourful butterflies on her shirt. Just sharing something so simple with each other was a great ice-breaker and the room seemed to breathe more easily afterwards. We had several other opportunities to interact as the evening went on and it was a positive, encouraging experience. We have that bond of women together, all there for a common goal.
We were each given a workbook, a cd of affirmations and a beautiful soft covered journal to write our thoughts in as we progress through the programme. Being a writer I was most excited about my new journal and have christened it already!
Tomorrow I am going to begin a daily routine of listening to Dawn's cd (twice a day as recommended) and recording my thoughts. We also have a mood monitor chart in our workbooks. As I am by nature a moody type, I'm interested to see how that will look by the end of the week :)
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