Well, where did it go?
Seriously, I have had the two best weeks and then today I woke up on a real downer and it's stuck with me. I've been thinking about writing this blog all day and am finally getting down to it at 7pm. Better late than never I suppose.
As I write, my boyfriend is watching some screaming rock DVD and talking over the top of it. I'm fighting the urge to throw something (at him and the tv). Everything he has said and done has annoyed me today. It's not his fault - things I normally find endearing and funny irritate the hell out of me. I know in my head why this is - I'm on day 25 of my cycle and have PMT. I just wish I could switch off the irritation and not take it out on my lovely boyfriend.
Although I know why I feel like this, it doesn't seem to make it any easier to feel better. I did only essential stuff today and spent the afternoon curled up on the couch in my cosy blanket with a pot of Earl Grey tea and watched Sex and the City. The very first episode is hilarious, it's so awful that you just have to laugh. The way Carrie turns and talks to the camera cracks me up and the unnatural breaks in conversation are quite jarring. By the time I got to episode 3 I was feeling marginally better, which I view as a success given the terrible stormy mood I woke up in. I looked through my new Law of Attraction book to check my emotional rating - I've gone from being between joy and contentment to way down to pessimism and anger. A massive drop of 9 places!
I think it goes to show that I am in the early stages of this new way of life and I will benefit from doing this stuff every day. Also, until today I hadn't listened to Dawn's CD since Sunday, as Monday and Tuesday were manically busy days and I hardly had time to stop. My lovely morning routine was thrown and the effects of that are clear.
At the CF club on Monday night so many women said that it was listening to the CD every day that has made the real difference. I heard some amazing testimonies! One lady had a whole set of incredible coincidences that had occurred that week and she looked fabulous. She looked like she was in a good place emotionally and spiritually and it was inspiring to see.
On Monday night Dawn led us through some work exploring how we feel about ourselves, deep down. It felt good taking negative statements and looking at them and realising how hard I am on myself. I circled almost every negative characteristic in the column but then really enjoyed scoring them out or writing positive statements next to them. We had all brought photos of times when we felt we looked good, or from a happy period in our lives and that was really fun! I was really enjoying myself until we got to the last exercise - using The Mirror.
Oh, how to explain the horror of it. It doesn't sound too bad, all we had to do was look at ourselves really and say a few things about what we saw. I only look in the mirror to do my hair and make-up and then I actively avoid mirrors. If I could get ready without looking in the mirror, I would.
So, imagine my relief when that was over. It was shortlived however as Dawn cheerfully announced we would be doing more mirror exercises next week. I felt sick. It's a clear indicator that I have work to do in this area and the whole point of doing all this is to move beyond my fears and grow into a confident woman. I know it will be difficult but well worth it in the end. I would love to look in the mirror and feel ok about me. No, actually I want to look in the mirror and feel great about me...
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